A satirical look at the bureaucracy by Harris Hakim
Picture this. A clerk has stamped documents for 19 years. Nineteen years at the same office. Nineteen years of ink drying on paper that never needed to exist.
Last month, his son showed him a YouTube video: a database and barcode scanner could erase his job by the following week. The clerk knows this.
And so, he stamps. And stamps. And stamps. He is not the problem. He is the product.
The Voice Inside
A former civil servant told The Sun Malaysia in March 2026:
“Punch in at 8am, read the newspaper until 9, coffee until 10, work until 1, lunch until 2, go home at 5.”
Another, from the private sector, was blunter:
“Tasks that take a month could be done in three days if staff worked properly.”
Both left. Neither named. The teaspoon does not reward those who name it.
The Teaspoon Principle
Milton Friedman once saw men digging with shovels. He pointed at an excavator.
“Use that.”
“But then we’ll lose jobs.”
“Then why not give them teaspoons?”
That was 60 years ago. Malaysia heard it. And built a country around that punchline.
Sir Humphrey’s Smile
In Yes, Minister, Sir Humphrey Appleby perfected the art of elegant obstruction. Reform was never defeated — only delayed, explained, or disguised.
He would have loved the teaspoon. Not because it worked. Because it could never fail.
A shovel might break. An excavator might stall. But a teaspoon? It digs forever. Slowly enough to employ a thousand men. Slowly enough that no one asks if the ditch needed digging at all. In Malaysia, that is not comedy but something else.
Three Numbers. Read Them Twice.
• 1.6 million public servants.
• 400,000–500,000, perhaps in clerical roles.
• 60–70% of GLC budgets consumed by salaries.
One border. Two systems. Singapore licenses a business in a day. Malaysia takes weeks. Maybe the former has a relatively smaller population.
The teaspoon is not cheap. It is one of the most expensive tools ever invented. And you are paying for it.
The Excavator That Still Needs a Pen
January 2026: digital signatures made compulsory for property agreements.
Finally, an excavator.
Then the Land Office spoke: “We do not accept digital signatures for the Memorandum of Transfer.”
So, Malaysians sign digitally. Then physically. Then stamp. Then wait. A lawyer commented, “Alignment of all government agencies is still lacking.”
One hand builds an excavator. The other clings to the teaspoon.
Why the Spoon Won’t Die
This is not laziness. It is control. The teaspoon keeps rent-seekers paid, political patrons satisfied, quotas intact, and whistleblowers exhausted.
Excavators finish jobs. Finished jobs end contracts. End contracts, end votes. The spoon is not a failure. It is survival.
The Hard Truth
We cannot fire everyone with a spoon. Malaysia lacks a welfare net.
Fire 100,000 civil servants overnight, and you ignite social gunpowder. Debt, car loans, rent, school fees — all collide with limited private jobs and migrant competition. The spoon is a clumsy safety net. But fear is not an excuse. It is also a prison.
The Ditch Was Never the Point
Friedman’s joke was a warning. Malaysia mistook it for policy.
Our borang culture, our certified copy circus, our stamp rituals — not accidents. They are part of the ecosystem.
We cannot fire everyone overnight. But we can stop pretending. We can name the teaspoon. Publicly. Repeatedly. Because the ditch was never the point. The digging was. Epigraph: “The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of the expanding bureaucracy.”-
Source Reference List
(1) The former civil servant who described his daily routine —punching in at 8 am, reading the newspaper until 9 am, morning coffee until 10 am, working until 1 pm, lunch until 2 pm, then home at pm — was quoted by The Sun Malaysia on March 6, 2026, in an article titled “M’sian man points out inefficiency in govt sector ‘work culture’ versus private sector.” The same article quoted another former private-sector worker who joined the civil service, stating that many tasks the public is told will take two weeks to a month could actually be completed in two to three days, and that the civil service system — where salary increments are guaranteed, and dismissal is difficult — shapes these attitudes. Neither gave their name.
(2) The Milton Friedman teaspoon story was documented by the American Enterprise Institute, written by Mark J. Perry on December 6, 2006, recounting Friedman’s observation of road builders using shovels instead of machinery to keep employment high, and his response: “Then why not give them spoons?” The same analogy was later used by US Senator Elizabeth Warren at the Code Conference on May 31, 2015.
(3) Malaysia’s total civil service headcount of approximately 1.6 million is reported by multiple news outlets, including Free Malaysia Today (January 24, 2024 and February 5, 2024) and the New Straits Times (January 24, 2024), citing Public Services Department data. Former Prime Minister Muhyiddin Yassin was quoted by Free Malaysia Today on January 24, 2024, urging the government to ensure no downsizing of the civil service. The estimate of 400,000 to 500,000 clerical and support positions is derived from the Public Service Commission’s job classification structure for Grades 1 to 11 under the Support Services Scheme.
(4) The observation that 60 to 70 per cent of GLC operating budgets go to salaries is based on the author’s review of publicly available annual reports for 2024 from four large and prominent GLCs. These documents are publicly accessible on each company’s investor relations website.
(5) The comparison between Malaysian and Singapore business licensing times is based on industry estimates and the World Bank’s Doing Business historical data (pre-2020), adjusted for current conditions, alongside the Singapore Ministry of Trade and Industry’s GoBusiness portal information.
(6) The eSPA digital signature compulsory requirement, effective January 1, 2026, is set out in National Housing Department Circular No. 6/2025. The Land Office’s refusal to accept digital signatures for the Memorandum of Transfer, and its demand for a physical signature with a black or blue-black ink gel pen, is stated in Land Office Practice Direction No. 1/2024, operating under the National Land Code 1965 (Act 828). Property lawyer Chris Tan’s comment that “alignment of all government agencies is still lacking” appeared in The Edge Malaysia on February 12, 2026.
(11) Malaysian household debt stands at 1.3 times GDP, according to Bank Negara Malaysia’s Financial Stability Review 2024. The average car loan figure is based on industry data. There are 2.5 million registered foreign workers in Malaysia as of March 2025, according to the Ministry of Home Affairs Foreign Worker Registration Data.
The views expressed here are solely those of the author
WE