By Sam Trailerman
I stopped at a petrol station yesterday. You know how it is, one of those urgent stops where your bladder is sending you legal notices. I was not there to admire the architecture. Nor was I there for coffee. I was on a mission. A straight-shooting mission.
I parked, I was doing that half-jog, half-waddle that every man does when he really needs to go to the loo! Then I saw liberation! A door on the left with a big red man on it. Okay, simple enough. Men’s toilet. My destination. My salvation.
But right next to it, on the wall, two shiny black boards make me stop mid-waddle.
The top one says: MEN to the left because…
The bottom one says: Women are always right!
And there are two big yellow arrows. One pointing left, one pointing right. My brain, which was 90 per cent focused on not embarrassing myself, suddenly had to process the philosophy.
First, I laughed. Then I stood there like an idiot, reading it again to make sure I got the joke. Because let’s be honest, it’s genius in a very evil, married-man kind of way.
The board is not just giving you directions. It’s giving you life advice. It is summarising 10,000 years of human marriage, arguments, and WhatsApp fights into two lines.
MEN to the left because — okay, I get it. Go left, brother. Your toilet is there. Simple instructions. But the suspense! The “because” is hanging there like a cliffhanger. Because what? Because men smell? Because men always need supervision? Because men will get lost if you give them more than one direction?
Then you look down. WOMEN are always right! Ah. So that’s the reason. Men are sent to the left BECAUSE women are always right. Not just directionally right. Morally, factually, historically, scientifically, always right. You can’t argue. The signboard said it. It’s printed. It’s official.
And the arrows! This is the best part. Men’s arrow points left. Women’s arrow points right. So the joke works on two levels. Women are always RIGHT — as in correct, and also literally, go to the RIGHT side.
Whoever made this sign deserves an award and probably a big prize for toilet humour! I stood there for a solid 30 seconds, and I swear I went through the five stages of being a common man.
Stage 1: Confusion — wait, where do I go?
Stage 2: Comprehension — ohhh, funny.
Stage 3: Fear — if anyone’s wife was here, she would take a photo and send it to the family group with the caption “See? Even the petrol pump knows.”
Stage 4: Acceptance — yes, it’s true. We are always left, they are always right.
Stage 5: Urgency again — oh god, I still need to pee.
I looked around to see if anyone else appreciated this masterpiece. None at all. One uncle was filling diesel as his life depended on it. One kid was crying for ice cream.
The world moves on. But for me, in that moment, that wall was a comedy club. It’s such a petrol station thing, isn’t it? You go to these places expecting nothing. Dirty floors, a tap that doesn’t work, and liquid soap that is just blue water. And then, suddenly, you find a small board that roasts the entire male population for free.
And the thing is, you can’t even get offended. Because it’s true. At least in my house, it is no one is always right. Even when the petrol station is on the right when it is clearly on the left, it magically appears on the right. I have stopped questioning the physics.
So, I went left, as instructed. Because I am a man, and men go to the left because… well, you know the rest.
When I came out, I saw a couple arriving. The guy started walking to the right. His wife pointed at the board, smiled, and without saying a word, redirected him to the left. See? Live demonstration.
I left the petrol station lighter in two ways. One was obvious. And second, with that stupid grin you get when you’ve seen a genuinely funny, low-budget, high-IQ joke in the most unexpected place.
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