By Dr Rahim Said
There are bad flights, and then there are Ryanair flights — where turbulence sometimes comes not from the clouds, but from the passengers themselves.
A recent Milan-to-London journey had to make an unscheduled detour to France after two men decided that normal travel rules no longer applied.
One began eating his passport — apparently mistaking it for an inflight meal — while the other tried to flush his down the toilet.
Between them, they managed to turn a simple European hop into a full-blown international incident… and perhaps the strangest episode in aviation.
According to eyewitnesses, the snack attack began shortly after takeoff, when the seatbelt signs blinked off. While most passengers reached for snacks or headphones, one man calmly reached for his passport and started tearing into it — page by page, like it was a soggy croissant.
Meanwhile, his travel companion decided his own document was beyond redemption and made a beeline for the lavatory. There, he reportedly attempted to flush away his nationality. Perhaps he was hoping for a clean start in life — or maybe he just wanted to see if his passport could make it to customs faster than he could.
Cabin crew tried to intervene, knocking on the lavatory door like debt collectors at dawn, but to no avail. Tension rose. Confused passengers clutched their armrests. And somewhere in the cockpit, a pilot must’ve muttered, “We’re turning this plane around before someone starts eating the safety card.”
Eventually, the flight was diverted to Paris, where French authorities detained the pair — though one assumes they needed tweezers and plumbing tools to retrieve the evidence.
Ryanair, ever the consummate professionals, later served drinks to calm nerves — proof that no matter how bizarre things get at 30,000 feet, there’s nothing a free cola can’t fix.
Why did they do it? We may never know. Maybe post-Brexit travel rules finally drove them to despair. Maybe it was the shock of discovering that Ryanair now charges extra for legroom and sanity. Or perhaps it was an act of modern art — “Performance Piece No. 7: Bureaucracy Consumed.”
Whatever the reason, they’ve given border control officers across Europe a story to tell. Because if you think losing your passport is bad, try explaining to immigration that you ate it.
So next time you pack for a trip, remember the essentials: toothbrush, charger, and restraint. Because in this age of budget airlines and midair madness, one man’s passport is another man’s lunch.
Bon appétit — and safe travels.
WE