(Image courtesy of Google Gemini)
By Rani Sun
No summer’s high
No warm July
No harvest moon to light one tender August night
Such a heartwarming melody, with a voice wrapped in velvet love. Even today when I listen to it, it tugs at my heartstrings. I wonder if Gen Z men, who grew up with memes and reels, can still articulate sweet nothings to woo women.
Are men able to conjure up sweet words, or have they become too dependent on technology to do the work for them? Do they even have the courage to approach women?
The answer came as a shocking revelation in one of my “communication classrooms”, when I explained ways to create small talk with the opposite sex is to pay a compliment.
The boys answered that the immediate reaction from the girls would be “I have a boyfriend”. What happened to words like “thank you”?
Yes, I agree the world has become a questionable place. Yes, I agree there’s a thin line between compliment and flattery, and worse, an agenda.
But are we killing romance by the mere notion that all men are toxic? Has this driven the men to a place, where they are now guarded by political correctness and fear, to let any tenderness slip from their tongues?
When chivalry reigned
Once upon a time, a man opening a car door or offering his coat was seen as the height of courtesy, an instinct, not a performance. Chivalry, with its roots in medieval knighthood, became a soft code of honour for men: protect, provide, respect. Around the world, this translated into simple gestures, paying for meals, walking a woman to her car, or standing aside as she entered a room. These weren’t just acts of tradition; they were whispers of affection.
But today, those whispers are fading.
A generation of men is growing up unsure. Where offering help now may seem offensive, and holding a door is an outdated trope of male dominance. And sadly, being romantic is often construed as being “too needy”. Has feminism, in the name of empowerment, inadvertently cast suspicion on sweetness?
The Misunderstood Revolution
Feminism, at its core, seeks gender-equality. But in some cases, especially in pop culture or aggressive online discourse, new-wave feminism has been known to reject anything traditionally “masculine” outright.
I have no qualms about a genuine fight for fairness, but I don’t agree on the disparaging views that new-wave feminism sometimes imposes.
It has become a heated debate of women inserting their views on how men should behave while screeching the words “don’t tell me what to do”. The irony.
I digress. Chivalry is now slipping away, not because men have lost respect, but because they’re afraid to appear patronising, or worse, accused of toxic behaviour for simply being attentive. Perhaps, some men have gone silent not out of rebellion, but out of confusion.
From Romance to Reticence
Ask a Malaysian man today why he no longer writes love letters or walks someone to her door, and the answer is often a shrug: “She might think I’m trying too hard. Nowadays, women are so independent, they don’t need all that.”
True. Independence is beautiful, powerful, and vital. But does it have to come at the expense of tenderness? Have we confused romantic gestures with patriarchal relics?
Meanwhile, women who do yearn for courtship often find themselves confused as well, torn between the voices of feminism and femininity when interpreting signals. Sensitive being needy, bravado being authoritative.
In the end, they want that swashbuckling, strapping yet sensitive and submissive debonair. Far-fetched, I think.
But, on a positive note, perhaps it is too soon to mourn chivalry as if it’s a dead art. Maybe I need to console myself that it’s simply evolving. It’s subtler, softer, and requires emotional intelligence more than grand gestures and sweet serenades.
A thoughtful text, an expressive emoji, and a meaningful meme are today’s Stevie Wonder serenades. Men crafting romantic narratives through mobile messages or emails may well be the new serenade of our time.
Getting a romantic letter written on scented paper should translate into a surprising super bonus these days.
Perhaps the melody of romance hasn’t ended; it’s just playing in a different key. I’m still hopeful.
(The views expressed here are entirely those of the writer)
WE